Parenting and Enabling

My job as a parenting and life coach is evolving much more towards life coaching than parent coaching when I work with parents individually.  The initial contact with me is always about the kids but the more we get into the coaching, the more their own issues come up, but as I always tell my clients, it’s all parenting.  How we respond or react to events of our lives is what we teach our kids.

Are you an enabler?  Do you find yourself walking on egg shells so as not to rock the boat with a difficult partner?  Do you bend over backwards to please in the hopes of preventing an angry outburst?  Do you find yourself trying to fix your  partner? Do you pick up after your partner and do things they’re completely capable of doing themselves?  Do you comply with unreasonable requests?  If so, it may be that you’re an enabler or perhaps a co-dependent.  Children learn what they live.  They watch our every move and soon learn to do the same in their own relationships. Our responses become programmed into them.

We are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.  The only person we can make happy is ourselves and we have the option to choose happiness or not.  We can see our cup half empty or half full.  We can seek out people and things that give us joy.  Our partners have the option to do exactly the same and if they choose not to, it’s not our problem.  That can be a tough lesson to learn.

The more time we spend trying to fix another person or worrying about their problems, the less time we are spending on ourselves.  When we say “yes” to focusing all our resources on to another adult, we say “no” to our own personal growth.  If you’re a parent of young children and you fit into this category, you have absolutely no time left for the most important person in your life; YOU.  Our children deserve to see and experience the best of who we are.  They deserve a happy, peaceful and fulfilled parent. Your responsibility is take excellent care of yourself so you can be available to your children who are counting on you to be fully  present, both physically and emotionally.  This does not mean focusing on yourself at the expensive of your children.  It means focusing on yourself so you can be the best parent possible.  You are not responsible for another adult.  When you spend an excessive amount of time trying to please another adult rather than yourself, your kids get a watered down version of you.  If you’re an enabler or a co-dependent ask yourself what impact it is having on your children.

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